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When You and your Significant Other Have Different Wedding Visions...Where do you Start?

A few weeks after getting engaged, you and your fiancé start discussing wedding plans. You want an elegant and timeless wedding, but your fiancé doesn't want anything too "ornate" or "over-the-top"--just a fun party with a good food and an open bar. Every time you suggest a venue for the wedding, your fiancé quickly finds something wrong with it fiancé or says, "It's too expensive for one day," and you walk away feeling defeated, sad, or even angry. How will you merge your two visions into the perfect, memorable wedding you both want?

The good news: You're definitely not alone! This happens to many couples!

Even better news? It's possible to merge BOTH visions into one amazing wedding!

"How?" You ask. Keep reading to find out!

Establish a Few Ground Rules

Planning a wedding can be stressful and emotional, especially when you and your fiancé are on different pages (or different planets...) when it comes to your wedding. Establish some ground rules that work for you. Here are a few I recommend to couples I work with:

  • Keep an open mind and be willing to listen

  • If your conversations around wedding planning tend to get heated or emotional-- set a time limit. Once that time is done, agree to set aside or table any wedding-related talk, at least for the remainder of the day. Then, do something you both enjoy doing together-- go for a walk, cook dinner, or grab a drink at a local brewery. Also, make sure you don't go to bed angry. Chances are, in the morning, things will seem clearer. My mom always said, when making any big decisions, "Sleep on it." Simple, but very wise! This piece of advice has saved me from making a lot of decisions I would've regretted (including buying the first wedding dress I liked).

  • Agree to use "I"-statements to express your perspective and feelings, not "You"-statements. This prevents you from blaming your partner, which can make the situation worse, and reduce defensiveness on both sides. For example, instead of saying, "You don't like anything I like," try, "I feel like my opinions aren't important to you." This opens up the opportunity for discussion and resolution.

Be Willing to Compromise

It's a given that your wedding day is important to both of you! If it wasn't, you probably wouldn't (or shouldn't...) be getting married. Keep this in mind and be willing to compromise during the planning process.

I recommend that each person writes down the top three things that are important to them about their wedding day and share them with each other. Chances are, they're probably not the same. In this case, be willing to compromise on things that aren't your top priority. If your partner has "DJ and music selection" as a top priority and you don't, be willing to compromise and let them take a larger role in planning that aspect of the wedding.

Can't decide on a venue type you both love? I have each person research and find two or three venues they like (so a combined total of four to six venues) and tour each one. Talk about the things you like and don't like about each venue. Maybe the stars will align and you will both fall in love with one venue! If not, that's OK! Use what you learned and work together to look for a venue that combines things you BOTH like!

Last, but perhaps MOST Important...

Hire a Wedding Planner to Help

As your wedding planner, I can help merge your visions and create an event that you will both love. I can take the stress off your shoulders (and your relationship!), ask the hard questions, and figure out the perfect solution. We offer a variety of services from consultation and venue selection to full-service wedding planning packages. Check out our "Wedding Services" page and then contact us for more details and a free "vision planning" consultation! Email us at! We would be honored to help!

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